and there was nothing.
nothing left in the end.

zishing
04-12-1992
no preferences
nothing particular.
the place people come to for help.
and that's about it.

AB
AiPing
Amos
Andy
Baka-Tsuki
Caroline
ChinHian
Dom
De-Coder's Cafe a.k.a.Yap
Hisyam
JingSheng
LeeYang
Kee
Leonard
LiJie
MarcusChan
Matilda
Max
MelWeh
RongRong
RuiFen
Sarah
SiHui
Stewart
Sumo
Valerie
Zak

August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 May 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 February 2011 April 2011 September 2011 November 2011

designer: frozen.d}
resources: x

i begin to doubt my ability to pursue.
will patience really pay off?

i might be wrong.
and you might end up just being like the rest.

all the people that i detest.

but what can i do,
for i'm still young, and i will still let my heart be broken.

so do what you must, if you must,
and smash it into pieces.

so i can pick them up quickly and move along.

but of course, this is not what i desire.
after all, who doesn't want a happy ending?

so i can only hope and pray.
and continue to show myself to you.

hoping that you will open yourself to me as well.
and when that happens.

we'll be more than the good friends we are now.
and that is truly.

what i desire more than anything in the world right now.

this proved to be far more difficult than i had ever imagined.
but it's not over yet.

because i can and will not forget.
and until i've tried my best.

nothing will stop me from chasing after your heart.
and when you finally put this trust in me, we will endure the pain together.

and there will ultimately be happiness.
because of all the irony that brought and still keeps us together.

there couldn't have been a better miracle than this.
so let's wait.

for the final chapter to begin.

and here i wait.
once again.

sometimes i don't know if it's you who might need me.
or i'm the one really needing you.

i just wish you'd open up to me.
but i won't force it, i don't want our friendship to be lost.

so i'll wait.
because in this gray world.

nothing else really matters.

in the end.
the people that matter the most to me.
slip through my fingers like sand.
faster than ever.

because i'm clenching my fist so hard, never wanting to let them go.

maybe i should just stop this
if you don't want me to help you.

even if it might be false.
the gap between us has certainly almost disappeared.

we're closer than i could ever imagine.

the good news.
i managed to figure out what exactly was going on.

so time to get back to life.

stop being such a selfish bastard.

all i can think about is you.
this is not good.
not good at all.

i put on a confident front.
look as if i'm fine and ready to help everyone else.
now i'm crumbling at my own unstable emotions.

why are you so kind to me.
this kindness which i don't think i deserve.
yet it's what i yearn now.

far more than anything.

i thought everything was cleared and fine.
lying in wait for when the real thing would start.
yet i can't even wait one day without feeling like i'm going to break.

and it's obvious that i have brought this upon myself.
so i will suffer for it.
but i can't take this much longer.

as pathetic as it seems.
it looks like i haven't learnt my lesson.
stuck in square one.

you say sometimes you're in need of salvation.
and i'll tell you.
you have long become mine.

and i can't do without you.
i want to get over this childish attitude.
even with a bit of hope at the end i may be disappointed.

and i don't want to scream when that happens.
so i have to get over this now.
not to leave you behind, but to stop myself from obsessing about you.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
i can't even take a day of that.
the more i think of it, the less i feel like continuing this life.

obviously the world is cruel.
and i will live on.
for better, or for worse.

this pain i go through.
the pain i put myself through.
as a consequence of my own selfishness.

i will bear it for you.

for i will stop looking at only myself.
and even if that gives me the false hope that a selfless person will be more deserving of your feelings.
i wish you only happiness.

but i can't give you happiness now.
so i can only deprive you of sadness.
because at least a gray world of confusion and doubt.

is better than a black one.
i can grant you at least that.
so off i go.

because even if it doesn't pay off, it was the right thing to do.